Five Secrets to a Successful Job Hunt - by Mark E. Smith

Jobs that pay a living wage or better are scarce in the United States these days, so if you're entering the job market you'll want to pay attention to these secrets for success:

1. Be a good fit for the position.

Both private and public sector employers want team players who will fit in and can be counted on to go along to get along. Before submitting your resume, check out the workplace. If 90% or more of the people at the top there are white males, make certain that you are also a white male before applying.

2. Appearances count.

Get an expensive hair style, wear expensive clothes, drive an expensive car, reside in an exclusive neighborhood, and make sure that your teeth are perfect before you apply. If you cannot make an appropriate appearance no employer will consider you suitable for any well-paying position.

3. Have prestigious credentials.

Lack of experience, poor grades, and complete ignorance of the field in which you will be employed are never as important as having the right pieces of paper from the right institutions.

4. Perfect your resume.

You may have to lie, but since lying will undoubtedly be part of your job description, it is good to demonstrate your abilities right from the start.

5. Network!

Before you apply for a job, be certain that your father or a close family member owns or has a very high position within the company, is on their board of directors, or owns a shitload of stock. Somebody in their human resources department might fail to see your potential and have to be fired, so this is essential to ensuring your success.

Good luck!



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