a few songs that shake the heart and, for me... begin healing

Love each one of the beautiful spirits that walk into your life ... love them like there's no tomorrow... and smile. We are all here to collect them!

Thank you, Coacoa. Those are beautiful.


You are a beautiful spirit, Coacoa.

So is Rossi.

And you both are seriously ill. Rossi may be dying.

I, on the other hand, am not a beautiful spirit. I am abrasive, hostile, negative, and want very little to do with most people. I do treasure the few friends I have found in this life, but they are indeed few and far between, and often far away. But I'm impatient, unappreciative, and don't tolerate fools gladly.

As a child, the only way I could survive was by loving parents who hated me. When I was institutionalized, the only way I could survive was by loving authorities who also gave me hate in return. When I was homeless I yearned for love and loved everyone I met for their unique being, but got mostly contempt (which is better than hate but not very satisfying) in return. And now that I am old I live alone and I don't love anyone. I am grateful for knowing you and Rossi and a few others in my life, but I live in a world of hate, a world of contempt, a world of genocide, a world of selfishness--and where there are good hearts, there is often also stupidity. People who say they want peace but vote for war. People who say they want their vote to count but vote even when they know it doesn't. People who risk their lives and their freedom to protest the lack of democracy here in the US, but support genocidal US invasions to bring that nonexistent "democracy" to countries that have more than we've ever had. People who preach nonviolence by inciting and encouraging violence. People who claim to be spiritual but are bigots who believe in false stereotypes that they use to prejudge everyone.

I have no patience. I use Twitter to try to keep up with what's going on in the world, but while there are many people on Twitter who try to get as many followers as they can, I block people every day for saying something stupid.

I met some great people at Occupy but I left when the stupids took over. I participate on an Occupy-related website, but there's a person there who fancies himself a feminist who advocates matriarchy and quotes Russell Means, but he keeps talking about how women are this and women are that, and women should lead, and no matter how many times I point out that there are nurturing, compassionate females, and there are also genocidal warmongering females, he simply cannot think of females as individuals or humans--to him they are his stereotype of women. All of them. And to him, of course, all women are "them," not us. And there are some young feminists on that site who use feminist causes to get out the vote and saw my election boycott advocacy and started attacking me as being a sexist male. They worst thing they could find to prove their case was that I had once referred to a mixed group as "you guys" instead of "you gals and guys." They too are stuck in false stereotypes. There are "Nonviolent Communications practitioners" who refuse to discuss issues and speak only in ad hominem terms. I suggested to one of the hosts that we should be part of the global struggle and he found a way to invite people from the "Arab spring" to join the discussion. And of course one of them is a CIA stooge who wants NATO to invade Syria the way NATO destroyed Libya. I won't take part in their phone discussions. I say I don't like to use the phone, which is true, but the real reason is that the idiocy would drive me mad. I try to explain things to them online, but for all their affirmations of compassion, nobody seems to care.

There are some good people I've found on Twitter. People who really do care and who really aren't stupid. I treasure each one I find. But they are very few. And often when I think I've found somebody worth interacting with, it turns out that they are only sane with regard to one particular aspect of life and totally insane about everything else, or they say sensible sane things for months and then act contrary to everything they've said, so I have to block them. I'm beginning to value blocking more than anything else at this point. It is possible to block stupid people online, just as it is possible, sometimes, to block physical attacks in real life. Blocking is an important skill.

I'm bitter and cynical. When somebody says they want to help me, I run like hell because I know they're more likely to hurt or even kill me.  It isn't always true, but most of the time it is.

There are indeed some beautiful spirits, Coacoa, like you and like Rossi, but it's something like collecting rare orchids, because they're very precious and fragile, and you can't buy them at the florist, you have to go out in the jungle with young children who know where to look--and even then you have to be lucky. I'm happy to have found a few and I really couldn't ask for more than that.

I've been smiling a lot more than I usually do lately. I got some indoor plants that clean my air and give me oxygen to breathe. Every time I look at them I smile, and there's one by my bed and several by my computer, so they're all around me and I'm smiling almost all the time.

But you won't mind if I hold a different view of you

All those things that you must be to be beautifully... You!  Thank you for being here with us... for exploring truth with us, and catching a hand when we stumbled at times... because truth does do that  ( Make one stumble as things are reevaluated).   My Beautiful Fubarista... take with you another smile as I ponder the beauty of bitterness and how it can force light into the darkest of places.

I love you and thank you for all you gave to me... being poured out is not an easy thing.

Exploration of truth.

Thank you, Coacoa. The exploration of truth does involve a lot of stumbling in the dark, and the beauty of truth can be bitter and painful. It would probably be unbearable if not for others being with us on the path.

Smiles between friends are the lifelines that save us from falling into the depth of despair as we stumble up the mountains of lies and disinformation between us and the truth.



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